If you were here I'd be okay

My hands covered my mouth as I tried to inhale as softly as possible. I could feel the tension in the air as I slowly let the breath out. I could feel her shaking beside me. Tears were flowing down my cheek freely now. I squeezed her hand tightly. I could hear the footsteps getting nearer and nearer. We both held our breath. I braced myself.

“Coast is clear now. You guys can come out.” I opened my eyes and saw a man dressed smartly in a dark blue uniform. I slowly crawled out with my sister tailing behind me. With my hands shaking badly, I stumbled a few times before I got out of the closet. I was led to the living room by two older police woman whereas my sister was brought to the kitchen by the policeman.

“No… No…” I heard my sister cry out loud from the kitchen. I threw down the blanket as I ran as fast as I could. I saw her sitting on the floor with tears streaming down her face. I took a few steps forward. Dad. I gasped in shock when I saw a lifeless body lying in a big pool of blood. Tears came flowing down again. The last thing I remembered was my head hitting the cold hard floor.

I woke up to the smell of disinfectant surrounding me, I flinched as I tried to move my hands. I could see Leah’s head on my hand. She looked so tired even in her sleep. I stroke her cheek with my other hand. She had taken on so much since mum died and dad started gambling. She had lost so much weight that her cheeks had sunken in. Dad, tears started to prickle my eyes as I thought of him. I could still remember the scene. Leah stirred. I quickly swallowed my tears back.

“You’re finally awake.” Leah gave me a half hearted smile. Since mum died, she had never been happy again. I missed the old infectious laughter of hers. I gave her a smile and a slight nod of my head. She poured a glass of water for me. I took small and slow sips of the water as she stared into empty space. Silence hung in the air.

“Dad… dad’s dead now, but I promise I will take care of you.” Leah brought up the much avoidable topic. Her eyes brimmed with tears. She moved closer to me and hugged me tightly towards her. Those tears I have been holding back flowed out now. We both just stayed there in the embrace and wept for our fate.

Two days after I got discharged from the hospital, Leah always seemed very jumpy around the house. Especially when the phone rang or someone knocked on the door. She would always rush to take it before me. Every time I would asked her what’s wrong but she never seemed to hear me.

One day as I was browsing through her drawer, I saw this weird looking postcard and I picked it up to read. On the back printed in large letters were the words “pay up, what’s his is now yours.” I fell back against the wall with shock mixed with hatred. The letter fell onto the floor. Leah walked in at the same time, eyeing the letter on the floor; she stood there with her eyebrows knit up in confusion. We both just stood there silently, lost in our own worlds.

“What do they still want from us?” I asked after a long period of silence. I was furious. Why did they still have to do this to us? Dad’s already done whatever he owed them he had paid back with his life. As Leah explained the whole situation, I felt an anger rising in my chest. When would this all finally be over?

After that last letter, we heard nothing from him for months. Just as I thought that we could finally get on with out lives at last, John walked into our lives. When Leah first introduced him to me, I couldn’t describe the uneasiness I felt. His stone grey eyes seem to be clogged up with the past. Leah had opened up more since she met him. She had become a happier person. I decided to throw those thoughts away and give the guy a chance.

It wasn’t long before we grew tight. We bonded like a normal family would. He took care of me like I was his birth sister and I loved him like my brother. Still at times, a wave of strange familiarity would wash over me but I would quickly shake the feeling off. It would go as fast as it came.

One day as I came back from school, I saw the front door wide open. Sensing that something was very wrong with the picture, I quickly text John. I hesitated to walk through the front door not knowing what lay waiting for me inside. On the other hand, I was worried of Leah. I mustered every once of courage in me and walked into the lion’s den.

I saw Leah lying on the couch limply; I threw my bag down and rushed over to her. I check for her breathing and was satisfied when I saw her chest rising up and down. I quickly went to the drawer and took out the revolver Leah kept. My eyes and ears locked onto every sound and movement in the house, trying to search for the attacker.

“My, my , my aren’t you all grown up now?” I heard the voice from behind me. I spun around and received a full blow directly in my face. I fell down on the floor sideways, sending a shocking pain up my arm. The revolver was now nowhere to be seen. I could taste my own blood in my mouth.

“Who are you?” I scanned the floor for the missing revolver. I flinched as I tried to prop myself up with my hand. I saw the revolver lying under the couch about ten feet away. I couldn’t reach for it even if it was near me.

“Oh, I am an old friend of your father. Just here to check up on his daughters…” He continued rambling about the past. I slide myself inch by inch towards the revolver. As I neared it, I saw Leah stirring. I knew that I couldn’t fire the shot even if I had the revolver. It would just give him another weapon against us. At the very same time, John walked in. I grabbed the revolver and threw it to him.

Three consecutive shots were fired into the man’s body. At that moment, the memories I erased awhile ago all came flooding back. With John holding the gun, he was the spiting image of his dad. He was clearly back for revenge and I had just handed him the weapon to do so.

I felt very tired of fighting at that very moment. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the side of the couch. Fighting back the tears, I mouthed the words I love you to Leah. I could hear his footstep moving closer and closer to me. I felt the cold hard tip of the revolver pressing against my temple and the short click. I opened my eyes and when I looked at her ghostly white face, I knew I had made a terrible mistake.