English is nothing but a lie?

Walked into classroom for English today thinking, “hey, I’m gonna walk out learning something new and interesting today!” but instead, the minute class was over, I walked out thinking “Whoa, everything’s a lie!”

I bet you won’t understand what i’m saying now. We learnt Gender Studies, Queer Theories, Structuralism and Deconstruction recently. In gender studies, it claims that we are not born male or females, we are just born with the genitals. What we are today is all a social construct. We were TAUGHT to be who we are. We were told that boys don’t cry, like blue and has to be strong. Girls are emotional, weak and always in distress.

Why?

Take a look at Disney movies. In which Disney movie (from our century) has it ever shown that princes are weak and the female characters are not in distress?

Princess gets caught. Prince fight dragon. Prince saves Princess. Princess marries Prince. Happy Ending. Credits Roll.

What about Mulan? She became an army.

But then again, using a deconstructive lens, She had to be tough and strong in order to be accepted by the males right? So that’s what males are taught to be. She became a male in order to join the army. Egotistic, must-have-muscles, tough act, have to protect female. It’s basically what Disney Movies teaches all males to be like. Why is it okay for females to cry whereas it’s wrong for a male to do so? Ain’t we all human?

Look at the hottest vampire book on the scene, Twilight. Didn’t Bella try to kill herself in order to get Edward to save her? In the book she’s just portrayed as a weakling that needs the protection of a male(s).

Then we moved on to structuralism. It shows us that we have to read the symbols instead of reading the text on its own.

Money, is a symbol. It’s made of nothing more than cotton paper which costs only a few cents to produce. So who says it’s worth RM100, RM10, RM50? It’s just cause of the value printed on it that’s why it became something valuable. It doesn’t exist in real life. It’s just a symbol of value.

CAT. What is that? Why is it a cat? It’s just cause we were taught to read it that way and to call the creature by that name. Who can determine if it’s the right or wrong name to be given to it?

Let’s just put it this way, how do you define something that is hot?

It’s just not cold.

So how do you define something that is cold?

It’s not hot.

So what is it when it’s neither hot nor cold? There’s no word to describe it when it’s rid of it’s signification. How do you explain something that is smacked right in the middle of hot and cold?

Let’s just take something fun to play around with.

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW.

Moving the adjective, noun and verb about without changing the sentence. The meaning of the sentence can vary.

TIME FLIES – NOUN  LIKE – VERB  AN ARROW – OBJECT
Time flies is something that has affection for an arrow.

TIME – VERB   FLIES – NOUN  LIKE – VERB   AN ARROW- OBJECT
Now you are asking the reader to time how fast the flies are flying like an arrow.

So what really is English?

Deconstruction taught us that everything is not what it seems to be. Language is just a lie. It’s nothingness.

So what have I been learning for the past 18 years of my life? I have no idea.

Power Failure

I don’t know how to connect with people anymore. Maybe, I just don’t try hard enough to connect with anyone around me. In life, you have that certain friends who you can tell anything and everything to, then you have that group of hi-bye friends, and the other group of yeah-i-sorta-know-you-through-facebook friend.

I don’t remember when it all started disappearing or happening. I just remember one day, crying really badly after a big fight. Scrolling desperately down the contact list. The only person I used to cry to, was not in the country. I just kept scrolling up and down. The other number I couldn’t get through. On my last desperate attempt, I turned off my phone.

It’s like you’re reaching out in the dark, desperately trying to find that light switch but you just can’t find it. You are scared, confused and maybe you’ve kicked something so you’re kind of in pain. So you’re frustrated, you just want the light to come back on so you can see properly again. When you find this switch, you realized that there’s a power failure. You give up and slump onto the floor. You don’t even bother flipping the switch on after several unsuccessful attempts. You’ve just accepted the fact that the power will not come back on.

The thing is. I got used to the darkness after awhile. The light just didn’t seem to matter anymore. I grew accustomed to the darkness and I knew where each edge was. Sure I had plenty of bruises while I did my exploring, scars that will remain forever, but I realized, I kinda like the dark. It feels like a dream. Sometimes, I rather be asleep because when I’m awake my life has the tendency to fall apart….

and when the light comes back on after awhile, it kinda blinds and hurts you.

A Day In College

Yeah, I realized since I’ve been in college there hasn’t been a proper update on college. So today,I decided to bring my camera along with me to capture some images. :)

Sandy waiting outside computer lab for Data Management class.

 
So many numbers! =S

Vanessa. :)

Another Russel Peters fan. :)

We ended up watching Russell Peters as we had no English class that day. :)

Oh, that’s Jane drinking water by the way. :)

Yes, ice cream makes me very very happy. :)

Lunch Time!

So why do they all look so gloomy?

I love black and white pictures. :)

Raveena who does not eat anything other than vegetables.
She doesn’t like eating rice either.

Nasi Lemak + Rendang + Fried Egg = RM5.00

It tastes really good and I think the pricing is reasonable. :)

 
Sandy eating her home brought bread.. XP

They attacked the pizza like barbarians would.

 
Sella and Mad

 
Raveena

Dorris the canadian girl

Sandy… the big bully! XP

Sandy, whatcha looking at arr? :)

Met up with Mei Yap after her class. :)

 

Then it was time for callback auditions…
scary mary.

 

Sheryl.

 
Rebekah. :)

Friends who stick together….

fails together.

I highly doubt they would fail,
But we were laughing our entire way through. :)

 
So cute. :)

would have been a great picture if the hand wasn’t there. XP

 

Signing off,

Nette

Like a Hurricane you lift me up and blew me away…

 

Love how he tweaked the lyrics. :)

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts..
.. you're standing there.. on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
Making my way, I'm moving through the crowd to say "ello.."

Little did you know..
.. that I was Romeo, as I was throwing pebbles..
.. heard your father say "Stay away from Juliet!"
Had to leave you crying on the staircase.. begging me "Please don't go!"

So I said..
Julie I'll take you somewhere we can be alone.
Just be patient.. nothing left to do but run.
You'll be the princess, I'll be the prince..
It's a love story baby say "Yes."

So you sneak out to the garden I'm hiding..
.. we keep quiet cause we're dead if they find me.
Close your eyes.
.. escape this town for a little while.

I was Romeo, you were my Juliet.
Even my father said loving you is not worth it.
Had to leave you on crying on the staircase.. begging me "Please don't go!"

So I said..

Chorus

Julie I'll save you, they'll never come between us!
Just hold on and love is gonna free us!
Don't be afraid, oh we'll make it through this!
It's a love story.. baby just say "Yes."

I'm sure she's tired of waiting.
Swear I'm on my way, just had to work some things out!
I hope her faith's not fading..
.. that was when I met her outskirts of town..

.. and I said..
Julie I apologize, didn't mean to scare you.
Need you more than anything.. I refuse to share you.
Saw it in her eyes, she didn't know what to think..

I knelt to the ground and I pulled out a ring..
And said..

"Marry me Juliet. You'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all that I really know!
I talked to our families, pick out a white dress..
.. it's a love story baby just say "Yes." '

Cause we were both young when I first saw you.

It’s just it.

 

Open or Close?

 

You walk in and out as if you own the place.
Time after time I just keep letting you in.

I never learn do I?

Confused

Every time I think it’s finally rolling, it rolls back to square one. Don’t know what to feel anymore.

I’ve only this much patience.

It’s time to wake up.

Dreams

Life has been one big whirl wind for the past few days. Been up, over and under. College life is starting to pick up it’s pace (especially the teachers with the assignments).

Dreams. What is worth the fight and what is not? Who gets to determine that? I guess it’s really no one but you. But what happens when you get tired of chasing that dream you’ve wanted so badly. You just feel like everything has went out of control and you feel like you’ve lost control over your life, goals and dreams. Everything you’ve worked for from the start has just pummeled down into the drain alongside with all your hopes. Would you at that time say you’ve never regretted reaching or fighting for it?

Sometime along the way, after fighting so hard. I do not remember why or what I was fighting so hard for. I’ve came to a realization that chasing after a dream may mean sacrificing alot of other things I love. Things I shall never know I’ve missed because I wasn’t there to experience it. Things I know I may regret but I have to forsake it for this dream I dream of.

When you wake up from this dream, what do you actually see? Is it really how you planned it to be? What if it doesn’t turn out the way you expect it to be, what should you do then? It had never really occur to me what would I do if my plans for my future just didn’t work out the way I planned it to be. I’ve never saw the bigger picture. Scratch that.

In my vision, I see a straight road. Just a stretch of straight wide road. No bumps, no traffic lights, no pothole, no road blocks, no speed limits. Then it dawned to me, how was the vision I had so perfect yet I claim to be a realistic dreamer? My conscious told me the road wouldn’t be easy to walk. Somehow, in my brain I managed to convince myself no matter how hard it was going to be, I’ll overcome the obstacle. I was so convinced that I managed to erase them out of the picture.

 

Indifferent

PLKN Kem Akedemi Kepimpinan Segari, Manjung

It’s the time of the year where you see anxious faces sitting in classes holding their phones waiting for that one message. Whether if it was a tahniah or maaf. At that time, some would be cursing or laughing with happiness. I remember going through that last year. Tahniah! Anda terpilih untuk menyertai Kem PLKN Siri 7/2010. I can still remember that it cost me RM0.20. It was a mixture of confusion. I didn’t really want to leave but at the same time I wanted to.

Then came the letter, at that point everything just warped into place. It was real and I had to go. Packing my bags were not an easy job. Not sure of what to bring and what not to bring. Even though there was a manual, i just kept having this feeling that I’ve forgotten something.

Note : They tell you not to bring jeans but actually you’re kinda needed to wear them there cause it’s Kemas and Sopan.

I reported to camp 7 days later than my supposed date due to an event. Brought a diary in hope of recording my thoughts in NS. Total epic failure I would say. There was not much leisure time to do anything. When you had the free time, you would be rearranging your locker stuffs, sleeping or just plain hanging out with friends. Reading those pages in the diary, I realized how much someone can change in just a short 3 months.

The days of full lorengs were not easy at the beginning. Then, slowly we just got used to it. It was heavy, thick and hot but I guess all the leaders got used to it. The boots were not something easy to wear but if you have been wearing them for a week, you would have no difficulty in putting them on quickly. :)

Then the cheers, it was fun with all the cheer wars going on. Especially when we had nothing to do while waiting for the rain to stop or for another activity.

Wira Wira
Hisap Rokok
Terjun Kolam
Hebatnye~

Wirawati Wirawati
Makan Maggi
Tekan Mesej
Ape Lagi?

And then there would be cheer fights between companies. It’s always fun to see what crazy cheers they can come up with in such short time. The cheers are normally good natured teasing.

Remembered being admitted into the hospital due to Gastritis. 5 Needles in less than 2 hours. Being admitted into a hospital so far away from home was not fun at all. Phone battery was dying half the time and the nurses refused to let me charge my phone anywhere. Luckily, I only had a day in there so all was good when I could check out the very next day.

19th May 2010 : Chu’s death.
That was the saddest day of the entire camp. A few of us got chosen to pay him a last respect. We all got into the car and throughout the entire journey, tears were just streaming down our faces. When we saw him, he was just lying there with his eyes closed. No longer laughing. I remember, he was one of the first few people I met when I entered camp. He had so much life in him but now it has all been drained away. RIP Chu Kar Wai.

Two stripes to three stripes. Had my fair share of stressed out moments and of course the waterworks. It was also an awesome experience. But being the leader, calls for many responsibilities. In which there were many things they did that I couldn’t do. Free time was scarce when you have the stripes on your shoulder. Nevertheless, we had a great team of leader that made everything worthwhile. :)

So yeah, here’s a little something I put together.

Few things you should know about NS that they will not tell you.

1. The clothes will not shrink
They will tell you on the first day that the clothes will shrink later on so that you get a bigger size that doesn’t show off your body figure. Honestly no, if anything, it’ll only just keep getting longer and bigger.

2. Aggressive flies
Bring fly traps, the sticky yellow paper kind.

3. You can actually bring that but not that??!
You can bring makeup, ear rings and bracelet in but you cannot bring in medications. Which I find a little hilarious because whatever the medic gives you there, doesn’t work.

4. Cash
RM350 allowance doesn’t exactly come in until much later. So in order for you to survive, for all you picky eaters out there, remember a steady cash supply. On weekends, you can tumpang other friend’s parents to get you like McD’s, Pizza Hut or like KFC. Trust me, you will definitely want it.

5. Instant Food!
Maggi mee is not the only kind of instant food. You can get instant mash potato, mushroom soup, porridge and many more. Due to the cultural issues, they only serve fish and chicken. And if you are not a big fan of spicy dishes, like me, prepared to survive on food like these.

6. Leisure Time
Is rarer than a blue moon. On weekdays, night time you have to be out watching videos or they will find something to “entertain” you with. Also, on weekends, they usually have ceramahs and what nots. You only get your phone back after those ceramahs and they will threaten you with the usual… if you ain’t good, we will keep the phones.

7. Whatever goes in, stays in.
Basically means, whatever songs you had in your phone at the time will be whatever you’ll be listening to for the next 3 months or so. Bad romance was a big hit in my camp cause it was the most popular song before we entered NS.

8. Toilet Paper
I’m not sure about other camps but my camp, they couldn’t even afford to provide toilet paper. So bring your own rolls of them so that you won’t need to keep asking from friend when you need it.

9. Mosquito Repellent
I know you’re into vampires and all but mosquitoes doesn’t give you pleasure by sucking your blood. So yeah, mosquitoes will keep you up at night if you don’t repel them.

10. No water?!
I am not so sure for other camps but if you got KEM PLKN SEGARI… after 8PM there will be no water supply. SO yeah, that’s about the time you get to take your bath and wash your stink clothing. So prepare a sarung or something so you can use the kolam air to bathe. :)

11. Sentries!
Oh yeah, the late night sentry. It started out pretty okay till the paranormal activities started then everyone got too scared to do it. So normally they would do it in groups of four and get lesser sleep.

12. Buddhist? Christian?
Don’t be stupid and be like me to put FREE THINKER. Cause once you are a known free thinker, everyone will try to grab you into their own religion. They have those classes every night so if you have no religion, you’ll be in the dorm ALONE. Also, when everyone goes out to pray on certain days, you’ll be alone in the camp.

I think I basically covered most of it. Just go to NS and have fun because you’ll meet the coolest people that you’ve ever known. These people will be your family for 3 months. Practically doing everything together. You get to fire 30 bullets from a M16, what more can you ask for?

- signing off, Lynnette

P.S, It’s not as hardcore as everyone think it is. It’s more relaxing than a DU scout camp. :)

Untitled <3

If we were a movie
You’d be the right guy
And I’d be the best friend
That you fall in love with in the end
We’d be laughing
Watching the sunset,
Fade to black
Show the names
Play a happy song..

Sometimes

you just feel so tired
you wish that someone could just piggy back you through that rough patch.

you just feel so alone
You wish someone who come along the way to pick you up

you are just so tired
You want to curl up and never wake up from the dream

What has been going on?

Sorry been very busy lately and not to mention a little lazy. Just went through Orientation today. I am officially a Taylor’s CPU-ian. This intake quite a lot of student. Lucky for me my timetable very nice. I only start my classes at 9.15AM and ends at 1.00PM. Quite short period so it allows me to work on other things too… like a part time job. :)

Sadly, I still do not have my license. Yes larr, I am going to get it soon. I promise okay. :) Before my birthday. :)

Updates… when I have more pictures. :)

Don’t fall for someone…

Unless they are willing to catch you at the end.

I Love To Touch My Cookies!

Before cookie monster gets to them…

But the thing is.. I love messaging too. But with a keypad phone.. the oh-so-annoying little tasty cookie crumbs will falls into the cracks cause I eat while I’m typing. That’s why touch screen phones are the best because it allows me to enjoy my cookies and be able to update my facebook, twitter and chat with my friends at the same time. :)

Also what’s so good about touch screen phones?

It minimizes usage of messaging while driving thus causing lesser accident. :)

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