P.S. I’m still not over you

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
- Rihanna

 

I struggled to keep my eyes open. I could hear sounds of fighting beside me but I was too tired to even turn my head to look. Something was trickling on my leg. I chose to ignore it. Where were the flashbacks people claimed they view? I see no slideshow of my life. Could that be due to the reason I had done nothing worth remembering my entire life? A blurry image formed in my brain. I hurriedly grabbed onto the image fearing it might fade into the distance. A smile. So familiar yet I couldn’t grasp the name of the owner. The little girl was holding on tightly to a woman’s hand. They were smiling so happily. I could feel a warm tingling sensation. What was this emotion I had locked onto? A feeling I have not felt in a very long time.

Realization hit me like a ten ton truck. Happiness. I closed my eyes. What happened? What changed? The image slowly faded away. I was staring into pitch darkness again. There was a strange sound in the distance. I strained my hearing but it was muffled out. I fell into a blanket of darkness as I waited for the next image to appear. It came from far, growing bigger as it came closer. A crying face I thought I knew but couldn’t remember. She was in a pretty baby blue dress sitting on the pavement. Tears flowing down her cheeks. I wanted to go nearer. My heart went out to her. She took down the tiara from her head and broke it into pieces. I am not a princess, this is not a fairytale. I heard a low whisper.

I heard a strange breathing noise from somewhere near me as the image faded away again. I heard a strange beeping noise that got louder and louder. I shut the noises out as the third image approached me. His face. Looking so angelical as he always did. His eyes that grew wide with horror when the gun was pointed at him. The way he still looked at her when she pulled the trigger.

I gazed into my past as I realized… what I’ve been seeing was all me. It was true after all. There was a slideshow to life. They just never told me it was this empty and dull. Or maybe, it was just me whom wiped out all the accomplishment and good I have done and replaced it with things that I regretted and chose to forget. The sound of breathing was slowing down as the beeping sound became irregular. It was soothing for a moment there as I fell deep into darkness.

I went to sleep and I never woke up.